"You have your key with you! Just open, there's nothing going on"
That's one of the commonest lines that happen on a daily. Living in a university hall means during the day, you get to see more babes and have less of optical nutrition at night. Halls double as lecture 'theatres' for some courses. As a nocturnal, a resident student would starve because all you see at night is two three guys out with a basin drawing water. There's a conspiracy theory that living in a hall is a trap. It makes you feel like you're re-living highschool except that the custodian, and all these hall leaders don't give a fuck about you playing loud music Monday to Sunday. If you're interested in going down in on your girl, you will need loud music, an electric kettle, and a roomie who can stay outside the room for more than 4hours.
I'll tell you one of my most embarrassing moments as a hall resident. One Sunday morning, my roomie's babe decides to come over. It was a god damn Sunday. I didn't expect any fucking, sucking, squeezing to happen. But you know the power of a womyn. When you're with a womyn, you may lose track of time. Sunday morning, all Christians on a bible and this chic decides she wants the D. The time has come, I have to come back to my room to pick my laptop charger. I knock and nobody responding. There was no loud music so I was pretty sure, the girl wasn't taking any flesh in. Anytime, my laptop would black out and my downloads?? Gone. I open and find my main man kissing her. You can't run away. I couldn't join them for a threesome because,hey, come on; we weren't shooting porn. Immediately, I humbled myself and picked my charger. Almost forgot to lock the room. All I wanted was for this babe to leave, so that me and my roommate can have locker room talk. I wasn't looking for an easy road; first thing on his list of curses would be a plan of ruining any of my moments that would come up in the future.
Halls give you this kind of mindset that in the future, you'll be having a room which works as a dinning room, living room, kitchen. The part where your girl comes over and you have to 'chase' away your roommate is the one I love most. Like I said, halls are a trap; you maynt get enough time to visit friends in hostels. So when you're chased away; the only place you can find to rest your bones is may be the T.V room. By now, you'll have to wake up to 'vulgar' chants that ,apparently, appease the ancestors of the Hall. These are too obscene songs that am sure make the ancestors thump their chests in their graves. You would think these fellow students have fucked all the girls in this world. You know it's not easy to make a Grammy-award winning song about A woman's genitals. You wake up to see these people's faces and that's when you realise that culture is overrated. And don't get me wrong. They are nice to listen to because am a resident of a hall.
Culture is a good thing but writing a song about some guy who was too small to satisfy an old woman is insane. Insanity?? That's the code we live by as hall residents. Everything is insane. buying condoms (not having sex) and supplying to those who can't go a night without making someone's daughter moan. You may think my "hall" life is a mess but its not because right now my water has boiled and am about to make myself this semi-liquid 'delicacy' a.k.a "ekisyaanga". Don't forget to knock because she's knocking right now!!
